I’m so proud to be a part of an amazing organization with such strong women. I’m excited to be a partner with the Fat Talk Free Campaign because it’s a message I believe in so much. As women, we tend to beat ourselves up and focus on the negatives when it comes to our bodies. It’s time for a change of pace. In fact, it’s time for a revolution. I believe all women deserve to feel great about themselves; All women deserve to live a life without fat talk; and all women deserve to have friends that don’t let their friend fat talk!

I’m so looking forward to posting and chatting with you ladies. Check back often for blogs, vlogs, and postings about Fat Talk Free Week, current events, and just plain old-fashioned girl talk!

DL,
Stacy

As we’re talking about our weeks, and our dates, and our jobs, and our lives, one of my friends makes a comment about her weight and how she doesn’t need to eat anything more because she’s so fat. My ears sort of perked up like a cat. First of all, our dinner hadn’t even arrived yet! Secondly, I thought, “Here’s my chance! I talk to women about this topic every day! Here it is! Impress her with your knowledge. Hand her a cling. Motivate her to love herself!!!” And I just froze. And I just sat there. And I listened. And I tried to think of the perfect thing to say. It there wasn’t one…

Now mind you, this girl may weigh 100 pounds soaking wet in a ski suit and I listened to her talk about how she just wants to look the way she used to look. (I can remember times that I’ve wished I looked like her now!) She pulls out a bottle of pills, followed by another bottle and complains that they just aren’t working. I was astounded. I was baffled.

At this moment, my mind started spinning about the dozens of different approaches I could have taken with her…do I get on to her about her negative self image? Do I scold her for taking the pills? Do I tell her she’s beautiful? Do I get mad at her for not wanting to eat perfectly decent queso? And as I sat, and I sat, I chose to go with all of the above. She’s my friend. And while I didn’t lecture and I didn’t force, I did tell her she is beautiful. I did tell her that these particular pills that she pulled out of her purse were not healthy. I did tell her that she needs to take a better look at herself in the mirror next time…and I did remind her how amazing the queso is.

But when I got home, I decided to take all of my own advice. And as I washed my face and got ready to end my day, I looked in the mirror myself and thought again about my friend, and how many times I’ve seen her and wished I could look just like her. And then it occurred to me…size has nothing to do with happiness. We all have moments of insecurity. I know that when I have mine, I turn to my friends. It’s my friends who make me feel beautiful. It’s my friends who make me feel loved. It’s my friends who make all of the other cares I thought I had in the world seem to disappear.

And so that’s what I’ve decided I would like to be to her…just a friend…who helps her feel as beautiful as I know she really is…just the way she is…

Let me back up for a moment. Last year, during Fat Talk Free Week 2009, Tri Delta had the opportunity to work closely with the women from Colorado State University in planning a fashion show that focused on real women rather than on the clothes they were wearing. Models were chosen based on who they were on the campus rather than the size clothes that they wore. Models ranged in size, ethnicity, age and backgrounds, and instantly the show was a hit.

Soon after, chapters and members showed their support and interest in the show and began asking how they too could host one.  Just like that it was determined that with the success of the program, the success of Fat Talk Free Week, and the success of the Colorado State Show, that maybe there was an opportunity for more women to participate in a similar opportunity.

A couple of months later, fourteen models of all shapes, sizes, ages, and ethnicities were on board with the program…and so was Macy’s!!!!

Macy’s, established in 1858, is the Great American Department Store and they found our program to be one that they were intrigued by!  Macy’s provided clothes for our models from their signature lines, agreed to work with us throughout the entire process and every step of the way.

So, there I sat, backstage, with Rob the tech guy, several television monitors, laptops and buttons that he made very clear I wasn’t allowed to push.

Stacy Nadeau, one of the original models who posed in her underwear in Dove’s headline making Campaign For Real Beauty kicked off the event by sharing her journey with the audience. I was in awe as she told her story and I watched as people cry and smile and laugh at every word she said from the tiny monitors behind the stage.

And then the music started.
Loud…fun…fast…and engaging.

Stacy introduced our models, not for the clothes that they are wearing on the runway but for who they are, why they love Tri Delta, providing us a piece of their story and making every person in the audience realize…”She’s just like me.” One by one they danced down the runway, waved, blew kisses and the crowd clapped and cheered for the liberating message that the show made them feel.

Halfway through the show I noticed I was standing, clapping and dancing. I felt great.

I was so proud, not because the show was going so well but because people loved it. There was a feeling of confidence in the air.

I turned to see our phenomenal representation from Macy’s, Terry, who just a few of hours earlier was steaming clothes and teaching the women how to change outfits without getting makeup on anything.

I saw the tremendous smile on her face. She looked back at me as she was now also dancing to the beat and said, “This is just so fun.”

And it was. It was just so fun.

The models visited the stage one last time.

They joined hands and paraded the runway one last time in their Fat Talk Free Week shirts, infectious smiles and sassy attitudes.

Just as quickly as it began the show was over, but there was something about the way it ended that you could see that the way people would continue to spread the message was just beginning.

I want to remind them of the power and success of the “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk” slogan. This campaign revolutionized societal attitudes and actions related to drinking and driving.

My hope is that the Reflections Fat Talk Free Week campaign will have the same culture-changing effect. The concept is so simple and well-intentioned, but often meets with resistance.

I was recently dress shopping with a friend who had been actively trying to get in shape for her son’s wedding. She had lost twenty pounds. My friend is 65-years-old and is extremely active and productive; she is an exceptional friend, mother, wife and grandmother. She is a talented seamstress, a fabulous cook and a fiercely competitive tennis player. While trying on clothes, she complained to me about the size of her hips and thighs and asked me if I knew a procedure that could fix them. I answered her with a discussion about how healthy, beautiful and active she is and that we all have to learn to accept our genetic gifts.

She then pointed to a picture of a model in the store and said, “See they all have long thin legs!” I replied to her that most media images are computer-generated and not real. She gave me a blank stare and I stopped talking.

I have another friend who shared with me that she couldn’t meet me for dinner because she wasn’t allowing herself to eat out at restaurants until she lost 10 pounds. My initial thought was, “what a waste of time and friendship.” This is another talented, intelligent, beautiful and productive woman.
Most days I feel like I’m alone on this issue. I won’t give up though.

If I can convince one college student each semester to stop fat talking, then I have been successful. Getting students to talk about the issue and acknowledge there is a problem is the first step. My goal is to educate them that pursing a “thin ideal body weight” is paralyzing, expensive, self-sacrificing, unhealthy and degrading. The majority of the students I talk to have grown up in diet-obsessed households or in families where physical appearance is often judged or criticized. Some students have reported hurtful comments made by family members about their body size and shape, frequently reminding them not to eat this or that.

Let’s start a revolution with the following strategies:

• Compliment your friends, co-workers and family members on qualities they possess that are not based on physical attributes.
• Think about the qualities that you admire in a real life role model. Chances are those qualities will not be based on physical attributes.
• Model “fat talk free” behaviors for everyone in your life. Be conscious of your actions, comments and behaviors.
• Don’t purchase magazines or products whose advertising you find offensive. Check out about_face.org to find out how to become a media activist. About-Face equips women and girls with tools to understand and resist harmful media messages that affect their self-esteem and body image.
• Never reinforce someone’s weight loss by saying, “You look great, have you lost weight?”
• Don’t judge people based on size and appearance. Size discrimination is real and harmful.
• Appreciate all that your body does for you. Take extra special care of it!

Here are some more resources to improve body image and combat fat talk:

• Read and contribute to a body image and wellness blog created by a University of New Hampshire student Anne Mathe:
• http://www.unh.edu/health-services/ohep/anniesblog.html
• Sign No Weigh! A Declaration of Independence from a Weight-Obsessed World http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/NoWeigh.pdf
• Post a copy in a visible place of Ten “Will-Powers” for Improving Body Image: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/10WillBI.pdf
• For more resources check out the University of New Hampshire Health Service’s website section on Body Image: http://www.unh.edu/health-services/ohep/body_image.html

“Let me listen to me and not to them” Gertrude Stein

As a blogger, your life can get pretty transparent depending on how much you share. As an advocate for body image and at times, eating disorders, not only is your life or story transparent, but some people can get caught up in trying to be the “perfect” advocate which can do more harm than good. You think that because you’re healthy and strong again, you have to be healthy and strong all the time. But that can’t be true all the time because let’s face it, we all have bad days.

I’ll even tell you a secret here too. I may be a blogger and I may be an advocate, but I’m far from perfect. Even I have bad days and that’s ok. Tonight was actually one of them. I’m in an Entrepreneurship class and am writing a business plan for a cookie store. I love making all kinds of chocolate chip cookies and since the third class, my professor has actually set up a fund for me to continue to bring cookies. So I do.

Making cookies doesn’t seem like a big deal or a reason to have a bad day, but as I said in the beginning, we’re all stressed out, right? Well assignments this morning and meetings in the afternoon were just taking longer than I thought, my printer was acting up and oh right, I had to make the cookies, which of course with it being my own recipe, I’m very perfectionistic over it.

Luckily since I know the recipe by heart, it didn’t take long, but what happened next made me realize 1. how far I’ve come, 2. bad days happen and 3. respecting yourself does your body a whole lot of good in a bad situation. When I was sick and I’d make cookies, I’d usually make extra and either binge on the dough itself or the freshly baked cookies and then purge. Was it smart? Of course not, but at the time, it helped to soothe me. Well between the stress and the extra dough, you might have guessed what happened next.

I made the cookies, wrapped them up and took them to class. End of story.

Something that’s hard to realize is your true need, especially when emotions, or stress levels, are high. I realized something while I was making those cookies- I didn’t want them and I didn’t need them. What I needed was to go to my class, eat a snack when I got home and go to bed. I was tired and needed sleep so that’s what I gave my body. I needed to take care of MYSELF.

It’s taken me almost 2 solid years of no bad behaviors, but taking care of myself actually gets easier everyday and with the help of programs like Reflections, you have the support of your sisters to do it too. I’ve started listening to what my body wants and respecting it. I can describe my emotions with words and not hurt myself in return.

Oh, and I’m also a friend to myself which is so very important. We live in a culture and society where women either tear others down to make themselves feel better or treat themselves horribly which they’d never do to a friend. I was the latter. I’d be mean to myself, destroy myself all because I wanted control, but nothing I ever said or do to myself would be something I’d want a friend to do to herself. Double standard? I think so!

Be the sister you are to others to yourself. Love yourself. Love your body and if you take care of it, it’ll take care of you!

In the meantime, here are some healthy stress reliving tips:

1. Talk to someone. If you’re stressed out or have a lot going on in your life, talk to someone else about it. Tell them what’s going on and how you feel about all of it. Even if you can’t put your emotions into words, sounds (think “grrrr”), screaming and kicking can be very therapeutic too which leads me to…

2. Don’t be afraid to cry and ask for help . I used to think that crying in front of sometime or asking sometime to help me meant I was a weak person. Instead I’d internalize everything and at the end of the day, hurt myself. When I started to actually feel my emotions again, I cried all the time and actually realized that showing people how I felt and asking for their help meant they respected me more and also gave me the support I needed.

3. Do something special for yourself. Do you like manicures? What about that new movie in the theater? Or does curling up with a book under a tree appealing? Whatever small thing makes you happy, block out a time for it during a week of stress. Now you’re probably about to tell me that you don’t have time for it, but that block doesn’t have to be long- an hour will do- and it will give you a time to relax and be treated well so you feel refreshed afterward and ready to seize that next thing on your to-do list.

4. At the same time, fuel yourself well. Sometimes food can be an enemy during stressful times or hunger even disappears or gets exhilarated, but no matter what happens, you must still eat properly. Nutrition is important not only for your body physically, but for your body mentally. A well-nourished brain is a happy one and also a productive one.

5. Know that you CAN do it. More times than not the only reason we can’t do something is because we tell ourselves we can’t. Fear or self-loathing is the only thing holding us back, so before that monster says you can’t do something, reverse it and just tell yourself you can. You will fight through the stress and you’ll actually do it simply because you said you could!

Jacquie blogs regularly about body image at http://sweetestthingdc.wordpress.com/.

I know it feels very real. I know you ‘feel’ very fat when you are doing this internal and external fat talk. The thing is, there is no great measure of what objectively qualifies as fat. BMI charts are deeply flawed–I recently read an article stating these charts would show Brad Pitt to be overweight, and George Clooney to be obese.

Weight charts were developed in the early 1900’s by The Metropolitan Life Insurance Company. Since they were trying to determine mortality risk associated with weight, these charts were based on weighing dead people. Does not seem like a valid tool at all.

I know what you really use to determine your fatness, though. Your eyes, or the way your clothes feel, etc. What you need to understand is people from 82 lbs. to 302 lbs. have these fat feelings. The feeling you are fat has nothing to do with your weight. It has only to do with your head.

There are also people on a broad weight spectrum who feel good in their bodies. Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce do not apologize for their curves–they own them. Marilyn Monroe certainly seemed comfortable in her skin.

There are two problems with fat talk:

1. It keeps you from figuring out what is really bothering you.

2. It makes you more likely to do weird things with food (restrict, binge, etc.)

You think that if you are mean enough to yourself, it will help you eat less and lose weight. Once the weight is off, you would be happy all of the time. That is not what happens, though. You just feel really bad. Which makes you more likely to emotionally eat. You might restrict first, but ultimately you will likely overeat in response to this negative self talk.

This cycle of self loathing and guilt gets constantly repeated. Ugh! So I ask you this: How is this fat talk working out for you? Can you identify with what I am saying here? If so, you are ready for the definition of insanity…

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

So ask yourself a few questions:

1. Do you know absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are fat? (Hint: the tools we use to measure this are faulty)

2. What would you feel if you found out the weight you are today would always be your weight–no more, no less, for the rest of your life?

3. Who would you be if you didn’t have the thought “I am fat”? What would life be like if that never entered your mind or your conversations?

There is a tremendous freedom that comes from accepting your body. You have all this time available to think about more important things. You start to pay attention to your life in this present moment. It makes you more normal with food. It makes you better able to honor the physical differences in those around you. It makes you more loving towards yourself–and if you are not going to do it, who is?

Visit Jennifer’s Web site at http://www.healthylifestylebalance.com/.